This is the post excerpt.
We all have insecurities in life. It could be in the aspect of material things, physical appearance, achievements and relationships perhaps.
I grew up with so much insecurities and it made me become more conscious of everything. Now that I have become a christian I don’t use my insecurities against someone. And it’s really a good thing.
Every time I feel insecure God would remind me of his words. That I am beautifully and wonderfully made, destined for greatness, a princess, a woman clothed with dignity, and that my heart should be on Him and not on the treasures of the world.
Sometimes we overthink. And overthinking leads our mindset astray. We then forget that we are secured in the hands of the creator himself. Everyone around us are all creations including us, they can make judgments, comparisons, etc. but what’s most significant is the word of the creator.
I realized that it’s really good to be confident. Confidence connected with assurance or faith. Confidence coming from the Lord. It is the promises and words of God that gives us confidence wherever we walk and whatever we do.
I have been asking God to cut off one of my desires if it’s not Him who planted it. I thought I already have moved on. I thought it would be included to my writings of my past. But what is this? I have distant myself to him already. I haven’t stalked like how often I did before. I just do not understand. And I can’t help myself from being emotional because I know what I went through. I know how t feels like to wait for something that wouldn’t come. To be hopeful for something that in the first place is impossible. I don’t wanna have another scar. Scars that form without him knowing and it’s the most painful part. Because it’s only I who knows the pain living inside me. Perhaps, it’s must only be me who creates the pain, who have caused the brokenness. Maybe I had built a monster I don’t know how to control. And everyday, I would try pretend that I’m okay, convincing myself that I’m not attracted anymore. But everyday, it hunts me. It isn’t really bad but it’s a desire I already have forgotten. A desire I already have abandoned. But it kept on following me. Have I done enough to set aside my desire and focus my eyes on God’s plans for me? Or does this desire planted by Him and part of His thought?
I wonder when will your advent be
Everytime I go out
I would think maybe we have crossed paths already
at the school campus
mall, street, hospital, playground
Maybe you already have seated next to me
and me next to you
in the tricycle,
jeepney, bus, cab
Maybe you were the one who asked me where Sugar spice is located at
the one I bumped with last week
the one who returned to me my long lost gray handkerchief
Maybe you’re still a stranger all this time
Or maybe you’re one of the people I already have known
There’s something within me that excites me of your coming
and I don’t know what it is
And this is what keeps me stay at the waiting place
with bags of patience
and bottles of excitement
I just hope I am not the only one between us
whose loving the unintentional trembling of the hands
as we long to meet on the intersection of the road
off from the waiting place
Life is worth living for. Life is like a special dish with various flavors. It has different tastes. Adversities in life make life “life”. And that no one’s exempted to that. Life isn’t only a series of happiness. But it is a series of different emotions that we people as a nature could feel each of them depending on our situation. Success, happiness or anything that sounds positive shouldn’t be the only thing that has to be embraced. Even pain, circumstances should be embraced too because they are part of living and are stepping stones toward any achievement of aims/goals set. It’s important to know life well. That in life we don’t always stay at the top, sometimes we had to start at the bottom before we could reach the top.
I have dreamed of someone. Someone I should no longer be dreaming of.
Sometimes we wonder if dreams have message to tell. Sometimes it is us who create the message.
I woke up crying and I don’t know why. It wasn’t a bad dream actually. But it felt like it’s bringing me back to what I have just let go. It has always been my habit to take a nap every afternoon but that entire day every time I tend to close my eyes, the dream plays unintentionally like a film played repeatedly.
Then I realized that God is actually in control of everything. Maybe it just a small thing. Maybe it is something that shouldn’t be seriously dealt with. But I came to realize to go back to God. Like a child, cuddling to her father.
That day was full of tears out of strange feeling and joy.
My dad once told me to learn to look back to where I come from and to the people who have helped me achieve my goals. That’s my dad! He would never miss a single day without leaving us with his food for thought. When I start to hate those who hate me too, God has been using dad as an instrument to love them, speak blessings to them and pray for them. Everyday is wonderful with him. He is a father who also wants us to love Grandpa even when he had caused so much pain to dad in the past. He is a father who loves us, his children but is at most in love with God.
That’s my dad.
Make the long wait worth it
and yourself as worth the wait
Let her sniff the aroma of the advent of your pursuit
and savor the sweetness of your devotion
When you pursue her
Wrap her with your profound affection
Baptize her to the bottomless ocean of your love
Trace the paths where she usually wanders
Fetch her at the waiting line as she extends her hands when you reach out for her
When she casts you a song escort her with the most satisfying sound unleash
as you move your fingers over the strings of your grandfather’s guitar
Fill in the space beside her
as she gazes intently upon the stars and moon in the sky
And make her lean on your manly and virile shoulder
Watch her until she falls asleep and be a witness of her beauty and gentle feminity
Give her the most romantic kiss of all as you touch your lips on her forehead
Making a history under the moonlight witnessed by the starry night
Withal, whisper a prayer and permission to her father the superior of all saying, “Thanks for sending me to her
Allow me to love love your her”